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The School Bully is episode 4a of Comedy World. It aired on syndication on March 28, 1998.

Synopsis

Eric and PC Guy meets Dallas and his goons.

Cast

  • Eric as himself
  • Brian as PC Guy
  • Dallas as himself
  • Dave as Jock #1
  • Diesel as Jock #2
  • David/Zack/Evil Genius as Jock #3
  • Lawrence as Counselor and Narrator
  • Kidaroo as Counselor's screaming voice
  • Young Guy as Tough Student
  • Kayla as Dallas' Mom
  • Alan as Dallas' Dad

Credits

Writers: Julian Smith, Dan Curtis, Gary Sauls

Storyboard Artists: Thomas McCollon, Ron Jefferson

Animation Director: Alvin Hung

Executive Producer: Gary Sauls

Trivia

  • This episode marks the first appearance of Dallas.
  • According to early storyboards, Dallas' original name was Simon.

Errors

  • When Eric said "Please don't hurt me", the color of his hoodie turned darker for a split second.

Transcript

[Eric and PC Guy are in the hallway]

PC Guy: Thanks for making those get-out-of-detention free cards, Eric. Without them, we could've been late for-

[The school bell rings]

PC Guy: ...lunch.

Eric: Yeah! C'mon! Let's sprint to the cafeteria before they run out of jumbo chocolate chip cookies!

[Several students can be seen exiting classrooms]

PC Guy: Good call. [sprints]

[Cuts to the cafeteria line]

[PC Guy is whistling]

Eric: Whatcha whistlin' to?

PC Guy: I'd mention the name of the song, but the creator of this show will have to pay the owner of the song extra money just so I can reveal the name.

Eric: I can't make out a word you just said.

[Jocks cut in front of the duo]

Eric: Hey! We were here first!

Jock #1: Tough luck, loser.

PC Guy: Sorry for the rough start, fellows. But he's right: my brother and I were here first. I'd like to ask you... ten politely to go back where you were.

Jock #1: [whispers to another jock] This fool looks like an easy target.

Jock #2: Let's tell Dallas to anguish these two.

Eric: What's a Dallas?

Jock #2: Dallas is the most hazardous bully in this school. Yesterday, he beat a college student up so hard, he started choking on his tonsils.

Jock #3: Yeah. Dallas beat a 6th grader up last week, and that pipsqueak's teeth went through his nostrils.

PC Guy: Excuse me, but did you say "in this school"?

Jock #2: What do you think?

PC Guy: How old is this Dallas guy?

Jock #2: 14. He's in 7th grade.

PC Guy: [chortles, with hands covering mouth] I'm sorry, but... BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAA!!!!!

Eric: HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHEHEHE!!!!

PC Guy: What's he gonna do? Claim a triangle is a circle? [him and Eric bursts into laughter again]

Eric: Is he gonna try to count to 30? I can do it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, eeerrrrmmmm... 50?

Jock #1: You can't count either, so if I were you, I'd shut my trap.

PC Guy: You guys do realize the lunch line moved and we're the next ones in line and there's several people shouting at us?

[The camera wipes to Eric & PC Guy eating]

PC Guy: Everytime I bite into my grilled cheese sandwich, I can hardly taste it because of a... 15 YEAR OLD BEING IN 7TH GRADE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Eric: I bet he mistakes purple for yellow!

PC Guy: Do you wanna know what tops everything off about this Dallas guy?

Eric: What?

PC Guy: He's named after a city in Texas!

Eric: I picture Dallas fatter and heavier than a skyscraper. [the duo bursts out in laughter once again]

???: Are you two talking about me?

Eric & PC Guy: Huh?

[The mysterious person turns out to be Dallas himself]

Dallas: My associates said both of you have been talking about me behind my back, and you two did it again not too long ago. I've heard every word ya'll said.

Eric: I'm sooo scared of a city!

Dallas: Yeah. I've heard you say I'm more obese than a skyscraper.

PC Guy: [imitates a static] All units, there's an anthropomorphic city on the loose. He was last seen at a GoDonald's ordering everything on the menu. By everything, I'm not lying. Salads, milkshakes, everything!

Eric: [imitates a static] I hear you loud and clear.

PC Guy: [laughs] Man, these jokes are a- [slugs Dallas unintentionally; the punch is so strong Dallas' pockets rip, making his money drop to the floor] punch!

[Eric and a couple other students pick Dallas' money up]

Dallas: HEY! You made that idiot in the red hoodie and a few other numskulls jack my money!

PC Guy: Oh. Sorry.

Dallas: You and your brother better meet me during recess. [walks off without a conversation]

Eric: I don't wanna turn into a quilt made out of flesh!

PC Guy: Don't panic. We can always consult the counselor.

Eric: Okay. But first, let me finish my Jell-O.

[The bell rings]

PC Guy: Too late.

[Cuts to the brothers walking to the counselor's office]

Eric: Thank goodness he isn't on lunch break. [opens the door]

Counselor: Hello, boys. What can I do for you guys today?

Eric: Dallas wants to beat us up during recess!

Counselor: Who?

Eric: Dallas!

Counselor: [screams] DALLAS WALTER JONES?! THE DALLAS THAT FLUNKED 7TH GRADE?!

PC Guy: That's him.

Counselor: [hides under his desk] PLEASE SEEK ADVICE ELSEWHERE!

[Eric & PC Guy exit the room]

PC Guy: Well, since the counselor isn't going to aid us, we're gonna have to hire a student that is more durable than Dallas. But since the tardy bell is going to ring in 20 seconds, uh, see you after 4th period.

["ZIP!"]

[Fades to the hallway. The bell rings, and several students are scrambling out of classrooms]

PC Guy: Uh oh. It's time for recess.

Eric: Dallas said that if you arrive late, you'll get something that's worse than a beating!

PC Guy: Time to panic. [runs in circles, but bumps into a tough student] Oh, excuse me.

Tough Student: What are YOU looking at?

PC Guy: Hey, uh, can you help me out on a situation?

Tough Student: I'm not your personal bodyguard.

PC Guy: You know Dallas, right?

Tough Student: Right.

PC Guy: I want you to mince him.

Tough Student: Sorry man, but if I do something like that, and my parents find out, I'll be in a pickle.

PC Guy: Oh. Okay.

[PC Guy runs off]

[Fades to the back of the school]

Dallas: That four-eyed halfwit should be here any minute now.

PC Guy: I-I'm here.

Dallas: Good.

Eric: [climbs out of a hole] So am I.

Dallas: [cracks knuckles] I hope you guys are used to crying in front of the entire middle school. Here goes nothing...

[The duo runs off before Dallas can punch them]

Dallas: Hey! Where'd they go?

Jock #1: They're leaving school grounds!

[Cuts to Eric & PC Guy at the countryside]

PC Guy: We lost Dallas and his comrades!

Eric: Yeah!

PC Guy: He isn't going to get us anytime soon since, you know, Dallas is one of the most populated cities in Texas, and Dallas himself is a three-layered maniac.

[Stomping is heard]

Eric: I BELIEVE THAT'S HIM GATING ON US!

PC Guy: AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!

[It turns out he IS gating on the duo]

PC Guy: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, ERIC!

Dallas: GET BACK HERE YA LITTLE SAUSAGES!

[The duo goes around each side of a brick wall. Dallas makes it collapse by kicking it]

Eric: I don't think I can run much longer!

PC Guy: Keep running, or else he's gonna feed you to the fishes!

[Dallas grabs PC Guy]

PC Guy: Noooooooo!!! EEEEEEERRRIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!

[A mushroom explosion is seen in the background]

Eric: EEEEEKKKKK!!! [hides in a barn, only for Dallas to punch the door down]

[Dallas moves closer to Eric]

Eric: Please don't hurt me.

[Someone appears behind Dallas]

Dallas' Mom: DALLAS JONES!

Dallas: MOM! GO AWAY!

Dallas' Mom: [as she is talking, PC Guy, covered in bandages limps next to Eric] I TOLD AND TOLD YOU MILLIONS NOT TO BULLY ANYMORE KIDS! YOUR GOING TO BE GROUNDED THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS YOUNG MAN. I'M EVEN CALLING IN YOUR DAD!

Dallas: No! Anybody but him!

[Dallas' Mom grabs Dallas by the ear and drags him away]

Dallas: I'll be back soon runts!

Dallas' Mom: OH SHUT IT DALLAS!

Dallas: [as him and his mom are exiting the barnhouse] No! Anything but a talk with Dad! I'll stop torturing innocent people! I'm begging you, don't do this!

PC Guy: [coughs] I think I swallowed a slug back there.

Narrator: The following is a "short" meeting.

[Fades to a living room]

Dallas' Dad: Sit down, son! We're going to have a short meeting.

Dallas: Uh... uh... okay.

[Dallas sits down on a recliner]

Dallas' Dad: Get off of that recliner!

[He follows his dad's order]

Dallas' Dad: Sit smack dab in the middle of the floor!

["SCOOT SCOOT!"]

Dallas' Dad: As a war veteran, I know NUMEROUS ways to discipline you!

Dallas: [shudders] W-what?

Dallas' Dad: Simply put... [holds up a hangman's knot] I know many ways to torture you.

Dallas: Don't do this! I'm warning you!

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