The School Bully is episode 4a of Comedy World. It aired on syndication on March 28, 1998.
- Eric as himself
- Brian as PC Guy
- Dallas as himself
- Dave as Jock #1
- Diesel as Jock #2
- David/Zack/Evil Genius as Jock #3
- Lawrence as Counselor and Narrator
- Kidaroo as Counselor's screaming voice
- Young Guy as Tough Student
- Kayla as Dallas' Mom
- Alan as Dallas' Dad
Writers: Julian Smith, Dan Curtis, Gary Sauls
Storyboard Artists: Thomas McCollon, Ron Jefferson
Animation Director: Alvin Hung
Executive Producer: Gary Sauls
- This episode marks the first appearance of Dallas.
- According to early storyboards, Dallas' original name was Simon.
- When Eric said "Please don't hurt me", the color of his hoodie turned darker for a split second.
[Eric and PC Guy are in the hallway]
PC Guy: Thanks for making those get-out-of-detention free cards, Eric. Without them, we could've been late for-
[The school bell rings]
PC Guy: ...lunch.
Eric: Yeah! C'mon! Let's sprint to the cafeteria before they run out of jumbo chocolate chip cookies!
[Several students can be seen exiting classrooms]
PC Guy: Good call. [sprints]
[Cuts to the cafeteria line]
[PC Guy is whistling]
Eric: Whatcha whistlin' to?
PC Guy: I'd mention the name of the song, but the creator of this show will have to pay the owner of the song extra money just so I can reveal the name.
Eric: I can't make out a word you just said.
[Jocks cut in front of the duo]
Eric: Hey! We were here first!
Jock #1: Tough luck, loser.
PC Guy: Sorry for the rough start, fellows. But he's right: my brother and I were here first. I'd like to ask you... ten politely to go back where you were.
Jock #1: [whispers to another jock] This fool looks like an easy target.
Jock #2: Let's tell Dallas to anguish these two.
Eric: What's a Dallas?
Jock #2: Dallas is the most hazardous bully in this school. Yesterday, he beat a college student up so hard, he started choking on his tonsils.
Jock #3: Yeah. Dallas beat a 6th grader up last week, and that pipsqueak's teeth went through his nostrils.
PC Guy: Excuse me, but did you say "in this school"?
Jock #2: What do you think?
PC Guy: How old is this Dallas guy?
Jock #2: 14. He's in 7th grade.
PC Guy: [chortles, with hands covering mouth] I'm sorry, but... BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAA!!!!!
PC Guy: What's he gonna do? Claim a triangle is a circle? [him and Eric bursts into laughter again]
Eric: Is he gonna try to count to 30? I can do it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, eeerrrrmmmm... 50?
Jock #1: You can't count either, so if I were you, I'd shut my trap.
PC Guy: You guys do realize the lunch line moved and we're the next ones in line and there's several people shouting at us?
[The camera wipes to Eric & PC Guy eating]
PC Guy: Everytime I bite into my grilled cheese sandwich, I can hardly taste it because of a... 15 YEAR OLD BEING IN 7TH GRADE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Eric: I bet he mistakes purple for yellow!
PC Guy: Do you wanna know what tops everything off about this Dallas guy?
PC Guy: He's named after a city in Texas!
Eric: I picture Dallas fatter and heavier than a skyscraper. [the duo bursts out in laughter once again]
???: Are you two talking about me?
Eric & PC Guy: Huh?
[The mysterious person turns out to be Dallas himself]
Dallas: My associates said both of you have been talking about me behind my back, and you two did it again not too long ago. I've heard every word ya'll said.
Eric: I'm sooo scared of a city!
Dallas: Yeah. I've heard you say I'm more obese than a skyscraper.
PC Guy: [imitates a static] All units, there's an anthropomorphic city on the loose. He was last seen at a GoDonald's ordering everything on the menu. By everything, I'm not lying. Salads, milkshakes, everything!
Eric: [imitates a static] I hear you loud and clear.
PC Guy: [laughs] Man, these jokes are a- [slugs Dallas unintentionally; the punch is so strong Dallas' pockets rip, making his money drop to the floor] punch!
[Eric and a couple other students pick Dallas' money up]
Dallas: HEY! You made that idiot in the red hoodie and a few other numskulls jack my money!
PC Guy: Oh. Sorry.
Dallas: You and your brother better meet me during recess. [walks off without a conversation]
Eric: I don't wanna turn into a quilt made out of flesh!
PC Guy: Don't panic. We can always consult the counselor.
Eric: Okay. But first, let me finish my Jell-O.
[The bell rings]
PC Guy: Too late.
[Cuts to the brothers walking to the counselor's office]
Eric: Thank goodness he isn't on lunch break. [opens the door]
Counselor: Hello, boys. What can I do for you guys today?
Eric: Dallas wants to beat us up during recess!
Counselor: [screams] DALLAS WALTER JONES?! THE DALLAS THAT FLUNKED 7TH GRADE?!
PC Guy: That's him.
Counselor: [hides under his desk] PLEASE SEEK ADVICE ELSEWHERE!
[Eric & PC Guy exit the room]
PC Guy: Well, since the counselor isn't going to aid us, we're gonna have to hire a student that is more durable than Dallas. But since the tardy bell is going to ring in 20 seconds, uh, see you after 4th period.
[Fades to the hallway. The bell rings, and several students are scrambling out of classrooms]
PC Guy: Uh oh. It's time for recess.
Eric: Dallas said that if you arrive late, you'll get something that's worse than a beating!
PC Guy: Time to panic. [runs in circles, but bumps into a tough student] Oh, excuse me.
Tough Student: What are YOU looking at?
PC Guy: Hey, uh, can you help me out on a situation?
Tough Student: I'm not your personal bodyguard.
PC Guy: You know Dallas, right?
Tough Student: Right.
PC Guy: I want you to mince him.
Tough Student: Sorry man, but if I do something like that, and my parents find out, I'll be in a pickle.
PC Guy: Oh. Okay.
[PC Guy runs off]
[Fades to the back of the school]
Dallas: That four-eyed halfwit should be here any minute now.
PC Guy: I-I'm here.
Eric: [climbs out of a hole] So am I.
Dallas: [cracks knuckles] I hope you guys are used to crying in front of the entire middle school. Here goes nothing...
[The duo runs off before Dallas can punch them]
Dallas: Hey! Where'd they go?
Jock #1: They're leaving school grounds!
[Cuts to Eric & PC Guy at the countryside]
PC Guy: We lost Dallas and his comrades!
PC Guy: He isn't going to get us anytime soon since, you know, Dallas is one of the most populated cities in Texas, and Dallas himself is a three-layered maniac.
[Stomping is heard]
Eric: I BELIEVE THAT'S HIM GATING ON US!
PC Guy: AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!
[It turns out he IS gating on the duo]
PC Guy: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, ERIC!
Dallas: GET BACK HERE YA LITTLE SAUSAGES!
[The duo goes around each side of a brick wall. Dallas makes it collapse by kicking it]
Eric: I don't think I can run much longer!
PC Guy: Keep running, or else he's gonna feed you to the fishes!
[Dallas grabs PC Guy]
PC Guy: Noooooooo!!! EEEEEEERRRIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!
[A mushroom explosion is seen in the background]
Eric: EEEEEKKKKK!!! [hides in a barn, only for Dallas to punch the door down]
[Dallas moves closer to Eric]
Eric: Please don't hurt me.
[Someone appears behind Dallas]
Dallas' Mom: DALLAS JONES!
Dallas: MOM! GO AWAY!
Dallas' Mom: [as she is talking, PC Guy, covered in bandages limps next to Eric] I TOLD AND TOLD YOU MILLIONS NOT TO BULLY ANYMORE KIDS! YOUR GOING TO BE GROUNDED THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS YOUNG MAN. I'M EVEN CALLING IN YOUR DAD!
Dallas: No! Anybody but him!
[Dallas' Mom grabs Dallas by the ear and drags him away]
Dallas: I'll be back soon runts!
Dallas' Mom: OH SHUT IT DALLAS!
Dallas: [as him and his mom are exiting the barnhouse] No! Anything but a talk with Dad! I'll stop torturing innocent people! I'm begging you, don't do this!
PC Guy: [coughs] I think I swallowed a slug back there.
Narrator: The following is a "short" meeting.
[Fades to a living room]
Dallas' Dad: Sit down, son! We're going to have a short meeting.
Dallas: Uh... uh... okay.
[Dallas sits down on a recliner]
Dallas' Dad: Get off of that recliner!
[He follows his dad's order]
Dallas' Dad: Sit smack dab in the middle of the floor!
Dallas' Dad: As a war veteran, I know NUMEROUS ways to discipline you!
Dallas: [shudders] W-what?
Dallas' Dad: Simply put... [holds up a hangman's knot] I know many ways to torture you.
Dallas: Don't do this! I'm warning you!